The “Good Enough” Parent: Why Perfection Isn’t What Children Need

Many parents today feel an unspoken pressure to get everything right, to respond calmly every time, to meet every emotional need perfectly, and to prevent their child from ever struggling. Over time, this pressure can become exhausting and overwhelming, leaving parents burned out and full of self-doubt. Here’s the reassuring truth, supported by decades of research: children do not need perfect parents. They need “good enough” parents.

What Does “Good Enough” Parenting Mean?

The concept of the good enough parent comes from pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott, who observed that children thrive when caregivers are emotionally available most of the time, not all the time. Occasional misattunements, followed by repair, are not harmful. In fact, they are essential for healthy development.

Good enough parenting means

● You respond with warmth and care often, not flawlessly

● You make mistakes — and you repair them

● You allow children to experience manageable frustration

● You remain emotionally present, even when things feel messy

Research shows that children benefit most when caregivers meet their needs consistently enough and repair relational ruptures when they occur. This teaches children resilience, emotional regulation, and trust in relationships.

Why Perfection Fuels Parental Burnout

When parents strive for perfection, their nervous systems stay in a prolonged state of stress.

Over time, this can lead to:

● Emotional exhaustion

● Increased irritability and reactivity

● Guilt and chronic self-criticism

● Disconnection from both self and child

Ironically, the more pressure parents place on themselves, the harder it becomes to access patience, empathy, and regulation which are the very qualities that support children’s emotional well-being.

How Good Enough Parenting Supports Children

Children raised with good enough caregiving learn that:

● Big emotions are tolerable and temporary

● Relationships can withstand mistakes

● Repair restores safety and connection

● They are capable of coping with challenges

Rather than creating fragility, good enough parenting builds secure attachment, emotional flexibility, and confidence.

What Good Enough Looks Like in Everyday Life

Good enough parenting might look like:

● Losing your patience, then later saying, “I’m sorry I raised my voice. I was feeling overwhelmed.”

● Setting limits even when your child is upset

● Sitting with your child’s feelings without immediately fixing them

● Choosing rest instead of pushing through exhaustion

These moments do not harm your child, rather they strengthen the relationship.

A Gentle Reminder for Burned-Out Parents

Your child does not need constant availability, endless energy, or perfect responses. They need a caregiver who is regulated enough, present enough, and willing to repair. At The Victorious Mind, we support parents in shifting from perfection to presence — helping families build connection, regulation, and resilience without burnout.

Research & Clinical Foundations

The concept of the good enough parent originates from the work of Donald Winnicott and is supported by attachment theory research demonstrating that secure attachment is built through responsiveness and repair rather than perfection (Bowlby, 1988; Tronick, 2007). Research on parental burnout highlights that unrealistic expectations and chronic stress increase emotional exhaustion, while realistic caregiving standards and support serve as protective factors (Mikolajczak et al., 2018).

*If you are parenting a neurodivergent child and this concept feels even more complex or demanding, you are not alone. You may find our companion post helpful: Parenting a Neurodivergent Child: Why Good Enough Looks Different