Love Languages
Love languages were introduced in Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages, and he specified the following five love languages: physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, gift giving, and acts of service. You might be a parent aiming to meet your child’s needs, a spouse desiring to show your spouse love, or someone who wants to understand more about how you can communicate the types of love that you need most. Regardless, love languages can be a very helpful tool!
Examples of each love language:
Quality Time: Going on an all-day date with a significant other, spending time with someone at the park, having a family game or movie night, inviting friends over to hang out, and taking a vacation. Usually, all these examples would be paired with uninterrupted time (e.g. no screens or distractions).
Words of Affirmation: Giving a genuine compliment, writing a letter of encouragement in a lunchbox, noticing and communicating strengths, and affirming someone when others are around.
Gift Giving: Giving random flowers without a significant occasion, a favorite coffee, a thoughtful gift of something that was mentioned in the past, a favorite snack from the grocery store, surprise notes around the house, an “I love you gift”, a date full of favorite things, a gift of takeout instead of cooking, and tickets to a preferred place.
Acts of Service: Cleaning the house, organizing the kitchen, getting the car washed, buying groceries, packing lunch, doing chores without requests, making breakfast, assisting on a personal project, getting a babysitter for a night away, and making a bubble bath for a child or adult.
Physical Touch: Giving a hug or a kiss, playing wrestle with a child, high fiving, snuggling, patting on the back, massaging or scratching a back, tickling, and slow dancing.
Applying the love languages:
1. You can find out what your love language is by assessing what provides you the most love or by taking a love languages test. You can communicate your love language to friends, family, and your spouse. It is also a great idea to teach your children what love language you prefer.
2. You can ask someone what his or her love language is. This includes family, friends, significant other, and children. If your child does not understand, you can test each type out and/or teach them about the different types.
3. Recognize relationships where you may need to change the love language you are giving. You may tend to give love by words of affirmation when the other person prefers acts of service. Understanding love languages can help meet expectations.
4. None of the love languages are bad. Even if it is not someone’s number one or number two preference, all love languages are important and helpful in a relationship. This tool just allows someone to understand what needs to be prioritized.
With Valentine’s Day approaching here are a few ideas to show love to those around you this month:
Cut out paper hearts and write a quality you love about your children on each heart. You can hang one up on their door each day until Valentine’s Day or the end of the month. These encouragers can be focused on their character traits more than their accomplishments.
Write a detailed appreciation letter to someone and include what you love about them.
Send a significant other to a favorite place and clean the house while he or she is away.
Make a Valentine’s breakfast in bed.
Plan a parent/child special date night to a favorite place, put screens away, and have fun.
Surprise a significant other with reservations to a favorite place or a favorite activity and spend uninterrupted time together.
Give a spouse flowers and a favorite treat.
Give a certificate for a round of golf.
Give a special Valentine treat, balloons, and/or flowers to your child.
Plan a movie night with blankets and snuggles.
Have a game night with physical games like Twister.
Create an “I love you” handshake.
